FAQs These Days

Something hasn't been setting well with me. 

At no other time in my life have I ever heard the same phrase so consistently nor so frequently and I have to be honest, it's gotten under my skin.

Someone: "You have how many?"
Me: "I have three little girls."
Someone: (looking downward at my growing belly) "So this is your 4th?"
Me: "Yep, that's right."
Someone: "So this must be a boy."
Me: "Yep, sure is!"
Someone: "Wow...you're very brave." (always followed by...)
Someone: "So you gonna tie your tubes?"

Friends, I think that not a day has gone by (assuming I have left the confines of my house on any given day) that I have not heard one or both of the two phrases in bold up there.  At first I thought it was mere coincidence that folks were asking me these questions, and then it became unavoidable to realize that literally every conversation I had would eventually end up here.

It's hard to put my feelings into words about my internal response, but it seems to me that some non-truths attach themselves to these ideas and conversations. The first fallacy (which I THINK is posing as a compliment) is I ought to receive the title of "brave" because of my expanding belly.  For anyone who knows me well, you know that before I got pregnant, a very oft heard phrase coming out of my mouth was, "I can't get pregnant before we move to Brazil...I can't get pregnant before we move to Brazil...I can't..."  All I could think about was the incredible amount of change and transition our family would be going through in the next year and to throw in the birth of another child was beyond the scope of my imagination.  This child is living and growing in my belly not because of my own bravado or joyful planning for it to happen, but because GOD knew He wanted this little boy to be a part of our family.  God has plans that are bigger than ours, and He simply saw something that we did not (shocker...).  He knows this child by name and already this baby boy is an integral part of our family.  We are so thankful for this new life, this new bundle of joy that will soon both fill our lives with fun and give opportunity to encounter challenges that we may not have had without his being born.  We praise God for His bestowing another child in our care.  Please don't call me brave.  I am undeserving of the title.  All I can do is ask the Lord, "Give me strength for each day and a love for my husband and children that goes beyond what sometimes feels like an insurmountable task of getting through the day all in one piece."  I know in my gut He's called us here AND that He has given us each of these children for a purpose.

The other thing that has come to my ears as reason for pause is the dogmatic assumption that surely we have reached our number of children that can be included in our family and so we must now do something to prevent any further possibilities of having any more.  I know what people mean by it, and I know they're not trying to be mean.  They know that raising little ones (particularly when they're close together) is hard work, so I'm not trying to find fault, I guess it just sheds light on our culture (not Brazilian/American because I get this response from both...just culture and understanding of the family in general).  What happened to the notion that the man whose quiver is full of arrows is surely blessed?  Now, I am not saying that we won't be done after having our 4th, it's just that the conversations I have had have given much reason to think and check my own understanding and acceptance of now having a "large-ish" family. 

Yes, life is a bit crazy sometimes, and I don't forsee it slowing down anytime soon.  At least one portion of our house is usually a mess at any given time, and somehow I want to joyfully embrace it.  Of course I want my house to be clean, but I can't let it consume me.  Raising kids to be followers of Jesus is quite possibly the most important job I will ever have.  It is my single most important contribution to the next generation of followers and only God can accomplish in our family what brings honor to Him.