FAQs These Days

Something hasn't been setting well with me. 

At no other time in my life have I ever heard the same phrase so consistently nor so frequently and I have to be honest, it's gotten under my skin.

Someone: "You have how many?"
Me: "I have three little girls."
Someone: (looking downward at my growing belly) "So this is your 4th?"
Me: "Yep, that's right."
Someone: "So this must be a boy."
Me: "Yep, sure is!"
Someone: "Wow...you're very brave." (always followed by...)
Someone: "So you gonna tie your tubes?"

Friends, I think that not a day has gone by (assuming I have left the confines of my house on any given day) that I have not heard one or both of the two phrases in bold up there.  At first I thought it was mere coincidence that folks were asking me these questions, and then it became unavoidable to realize that literally every conversation I had would eventually end up here.

It's hard to put my feelings into words about my internal response, but it seems to me that some non-truths attach themselves to these ideas and conversations. The first fallacy (which I THINK is posing as a compliment) is I ought to receive the title of "brave" because of my expanding belly.  For anyone who knows me well, you know that before I got pregnant, a very oft heard phrase coming out of my mouth was, "I can't get pregnant before we move to Brazil...I can't get pregnant before we move to Brazil...I can't..."  All I could think about was the incredible amount of change and transition our family would be going through in the next year and to throw in the birth of another child was beyond the scope of my imagination.  This child is living and growing in my belly not because of my own bravado or joyful planning for it to happen, but because GOD knew He wanted this little boy to be a part of our family.  God has plans that are bigger than ours, and He simply saw something that we did not (shocker...).  He knows this child by name and already this baby boy is an integral part of our family.  We are so thankful for this new life, this new bundle of joy that will soon both fill our lives with fun and give opportunity to encounter challenges that we may not have had without his being born.  We praise God for His bestowing another child in our care.  Please don't call me brave.  I am undeserving of the title.  All I can do is ask the Lord, "Give me strength for each day and a love for my husband and children that goes beyond what sometimes feels like an insurmountable task of getting through the day all in one piece."  I know in my gut He's called us here AND that He has given us each of these children for a purpose.

The other thing that has come to my ears as reason for pause is the dogmatic assumption that surely we have reached our number of children that can be included in our family and so we must now do something to prevent any further possibilities of having any more.  I know what people mean by it, and I know they're not trying to be mean.  They know that raising little ones (particularly when they're close together) is hard work, so I'm not trying to find fault, I guess it just sheds light on our culture (not Brazilian/American because I get this response from both...just culture and understanding of the family in general).  What happened to the notion that the man whose quiver is full of arrows is surely blessed?  Now, I am not saying that we won't be done after having our 4th, it's just that the conversations I have had have given much reason to think and check my own understanding and acceptance of now having a "large-ish" family. 

Yes, life is a bit crazy sometimes, and I don't forsee it slowing down anytime soon.  At least one portion of our house is usually a mess at any given time, and somehow I want to joyfully embrace it.  Of course I want my house to be clean, but I can't let it consume me.  Raising kids to be followers of Jesus is quite possibly the most important job I will ever have.  It is my single most important contribution to the next generation of followers and only God can accomplish in our family what brings honor to Him. 

 

 

Yama-HOW to say goodbye (title compliments of Trevor)

Well friends, tonight I sit here staring at my long-time friend that I have soon to say goodbye to.  While it may sound silly to many, tomorrow may be a hard day for me.  We sold our piano. Tomorrow, bright and early, the movers and the buyer come to pick it up.  This piano has been a constant companion to me for the last 21 years.

As we get ready to go to Brazil we have had the privilege of going through many of our earthly possessions, finding new homes for much of it.  Packing your growing family's life into 10 suitcases is both incredibly freeing and challenging all at the same time.  We've said goodbye to a lot, but I have to admit...for me, the hardest by far...the one that takes the cake, is my piano.  God has allowed me to learn and grow over this thing for far too long for me NOT to feel like an appendage is being removed.  I'm not here to complain.  God--in His goodness--Himself, has found a new home for this prized possession.  He went before us, has made this transition as easy as possible on me, and has given me the confirmation that this is the right thing to do.  I have no doubts, so this post is not one of complaint, just an honest processing and a giving over of what God has first given.  While I know this holds no weight to losing a loved one, there is a certain amount of grieving that has been and is taking place.

I want to thank my Mom and Dad who have believed in me all these years, who have provided piano lessons from here to Recife and back again, who didn't let me quit even when I was so. tired. of practicing.  When I kicked and screamed and yelled at them because I just didn't want to do it.  I know I just about drove them crazy, but today I want to say thank you.  I love you.  This skill that you have given me has gone far above a physical ability that allows my fingers to move.  It's taught me discipline, a love for the beauty of music, and a far greater appreciation for the God who created the music.

As I sit here typing, my daughter (who is supposed to be asleep) just started singing, "Rejoice in the Lord always, and again I say Rejoice."  God is so good.  I have admittedly shed a lot of tears over this but I know in my gut that when God asks us to give something up, when you know that you know that you know that it's of Him, He has far better plans for the future than you could think up yourself.  What that will look like I can't say nor will I try.  But I can rest and be at peace in knowing that He is good and that He is sovereign.  I can trust Him.  And so, I willingly give it up.  I pray that it will bless the next family just as much as it has blessed mine.

Over the last month (since we figured out that we would sell the piano) I started working on a piece of music that I have wanted to play for years.  It is the Chopin Revolutionary Etude.  I have always thought it was beautiful, and I have always thought it was too hard for me to play because of the work it requires of the left hand.  Well, as a goodbye, I just simply wanted to learn to play it.  There are some special times in life that God allows you to feel like you're flying.  I'm sure you have "that thing".  For me, it has always been playing the piano, having that feeling that the notes are taking me far above this earth.  I wanted to feel that one last time on this piano.  Now, I am a mother of three...in the middle of an international move...in the midst of all sorts of stresses...so my chops are not quite what they used to be.  Practicing a few nights a week here and there over the course of a month is simply not enough to finish off this piece well, but perfect or not, I wanted to play it.  And so, tonight I gave it one last go, mistakes and all.  Kind of my "swan song" of sorts. :)

We did take a video of it just so we can have a piece to remember it by...below is an excerpt of it.  Before I close this off and as I say goodbye, I guess I just want to say a thank you to not only my parents (for all the reasons listed above), but also to my incredible husband (who has always appreciated and not complained when I sit down to play....even if it means he puts all the kids to bed by himself), and my college piano prof Dr. C (who taught me that it's not worth it to take myself so seriously, and also how to be genuinely giddy about the beauty that can come out of wood and hammers....thank you for giving me the joy of learning how to SING through my fingers).  Last and more than anything, I thank God, whose plans are better than mine, whose ways are higher than mine, and whose love is deeper than any I could ever comprehend.  Thank you for giving me this instrument for the last 21 years.

Goodbye, old friend.  Thank you for all that you've taught me.

Sarah

Stick + Shift

My knuckles were practically so white they were blinding me and my shoulders were hunched up carrying the weight of tension that my piano teacher always used to remind me I simply needed to relax.  Where was I?

At a red light.  On an incline. 

Oh my, I was nervous.  There was this beautiful, super shiny light teal brand new cadillac (if my memory serves me right) sitting right behind us and it felt that he was in my personal space bubble, if you know what I mean.  Sir, why did you have to pull up so close to me??

You see, I had driven a manual car once before in my life and really didn't have all that much experience in getting the car going on a flat surface, much less at an incline with cars behind me waiting for the light to switch. 

Well, the light did finally turn green after what felt like an eternity, and I may or may not have killed it a couple of times before I finally got out, but praise the Lord (literally) we did not fall back and hit that nice new car behind me.  That sure would've been a day-wrecker.  We DID, at the patient direction of my friend and teacher, Liege, drive away with nothing more than my pride hurt.  I am so thankful for good friends who are willing to spend time to teach me things I need to learn.  Driving "stick" (a new term for my Brazilian friend:)) is one of those things that Trevor and I simply have to learn!  As we head to Brazil, most cars are manual, and before we get stuck in heavy traffic where one of the understood most useful parts of the car is the horn, we need to get to the point where we are comfortable behind the wheel.

Liege was gracious enough to let us borrow her car for the past week as she's been away on a trip, and I am proud to announce that I have gone out on several trips all by myself and not made a mess of things.  One thing this whole experience has given me (besides a wonderful new skill of course) is a new appreciation for automatic cars.  While I quite enjoy the feeling of being more in charge of the vehicle and knowing what's going on with, the freedom to not have to think SO HARD while driving is something I took quite for granted before!  It is getting easier, and I'm not quite so nervous as before, but I liken it to when you have your first baby.  At first, everything is new and everything can feel so difficult.  You have to try so hard and think so hard because you're not used to doing any of it!  And then, somehow, after you have 2 or 3 more kids, suddenly when you go back down to only one, it seems so easy you hardly know what to do with yourself.  Praying I'll get to that point with my manual driving skills like my friend, Liege.  She doesn't even have to think about it!  SHE goes on automatic!

Happy Wednesday everyone, and thanks for taking the time to read. :)

Sarah

Attention: All Prayer Warriors

There he is.  My handsome husband who loves his girls.  I am proud to be called his wife and thankful for this man in my life.

Some of you may know that he has struggled with migraines for the last several years, becoming most prominent now in the last 3.  They have come and gone, we've tried different medications, and different forms of treatment (traditional, chiropractic, etc.).  Some would help for a while, and then the migraines would come back.  We feel we have just not quite figured out the root of them.

We know that migraines are something that many folks deal with.  As many know, the ability to move forward with goals and everyday tasks becomes rather difficult when you are stuck in a dark room unable to hear noise without cringing or see light without throwing up. 

This is not something we've brought up as a prayer request before, because it often goes away as quickly as it has come.  We move on with life and forget about it until the next episode.  But right now we are asking you to stand with us in asking the Father to reveal to us what is causing these.  They have begun to so affect everything we do.  We know it is not beyond the confines of the enemy to try and attack our health, particularly during this time when we are getting ready to go.  Ask the Lord to grant us the wisdom and grace in connecting with the right doctor, trying the right adjustments to diet, routine, etc., running across the right information that might help. 

Please pray for Trevor.  I would really appreciate it, and I know he would, too.

Sarah

What will go, what will stay, what will be given away?

Oh I am excited to be blogging again. It has been so very long. Between crying babies, grad school projects, homeschooling kiddos, traveling, midterms, quizzes, all-nighters in the GIAL lab, and keeping the house in running order, little time was left this past year to send out a lot of updates, much less keep our blog updated. Many tasks await us still, but we are thankful that keeping family, friends, and ministry partners updated can now come back to the top of the list.

Today I just wanted to give you a glimpse into one priority of our lives right now that needs not only brain power and physical strength, but also a bit of emotional hardiness thrown in there, too.

Enter....STUFF.

...we may or may not have chosen to show you the more sparse, orderly side of our attic;)

Most of you, I'm sure, have moved at least once in your life. We certainly have several times (our oldest, Acácia, just turned 6 yesterday, and not counting the small "moves" of the last two months,  has experienced full-on relocation, new bedroom, etc. 5 times in her life).  The most life-changing move has yet to take place as we get ready to make our first international move to Brazil, Lord willing, this year.

And so, we have a bunch of this to go through.

 (Books and more books...piano books, which "carry a lot of weight" in so many ways.)

And a little more of this...

Games, blocks, toys, oh my!

It seems simple when they're not your books and your memories and your toys. This process is good for the soul, but can present its challenges. It isn't just a process of relocating all of our things and calling it good. It is the actual letting go of a whole lot of STUFF that we have to remind ourselves at the end of the day is truly just stuff. Beyond that, we ask this not only of ourselves, but of our girls, too. It is not practical nor helpful to bring all of their toys and all of their clothes and all of their books, but helping kids 6 and under grasp hold of this truth can get a little sticky. We are weeding out and weeding out and then weeding out some more, so that when the time comes, we are able to fit most all (besides a few things left behind in storage of some sort) of our earthly possessions into somewhere under 15-20 bags.

We ask that you joyfully pray with us. The purging of earthly possessions is a process we are thankful for, but we need a lot of help in thinking through it all! Pray that our kids might find fulfillment in passing along some toys and treasures and clothes. May it be a time for growth for all of us, reminding us that our identity in Christ can never be taken away, nor do we ever have to give it up. Thanks for riding this part of the journey with us!

And I leave you with this sweet picture of our newly-turned 6-year-old young lady...

...who was such a good sport when we had to postpone having her friends over for cake because the whole family has been wrought with the stomach flu (in fact, even as i write this, my stomach is still in a horrible mess).  But, Acácia finally decided it was "simply delightful" to be able to have a tea party with the fam even though it wasn't the original plan. I love that girl. And tea parties (mainly because the girls put on their best British accent...along with their fancy clothes of course).

~Sarah